


Invasion

by Shimruto



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Jekyll and Hyde, M/M, Possessed, Really dark, Supernatural Elements, Victorian England AU, kind of, might become dark, souls are my forever topic, split personality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2019-06-08 21:16:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15252219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shimruto/pseuds/Shimruto
Summary: Yunho wants a peaceful life after the war and goes to settle down at a small town that holds a secret which can kill you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [UTT](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=UTT).



> This may develop into steampunk direction mixed with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hide. Let's see.

Yunho stepped from the ship and took a deep breath. He finally returned home.

Being a war doctor was his dream from childhood but it took another route after seeing the hardships of orphaned children during the battle campaigns and he decided to create peace instead of patching war. He spent several years in India helping to build the hospitals and arranging the diligent managing system for it not to crumble down if he left the place.

The vows of ceasing fire were frequently broken and being a dedicated and fearless man he was - Yunho got injured during the transfer of the new medicine. The fleeting scars near his eyes were the visual proof and the ghost pain in his back was the emotional reminder.

He was sent back to England to regain the strength. A lot of his friends suggested to him that it was finally time to return to high society where he belonged from the start but Yunho decided to continue his medical practice in a small town with nature to heal his wounds and to rearrange his thoughts.

He asked an acquaintance of his to send a letter of recommendation to his hometown as Yunho was always mesmerized by the guy’s description of the beautiful landscape and majestic houses there. He could not understand how you could just leave this magical place to go to another part of the world and decided that this small town would be great for his new beginning. However Yunho was very surprised when that very joyful young man got stricken with something indescribable when he heard Yunho’s request. Strangely he tried to persuade him to go to another place but Yunho already set his mind and could not be stopped from achieving his goal. The young man gave up and provided him with all documents and papers suddenly hugging him and asking him to be careful all the time. Yunho smiled and said that a small town in the forgotten place in England was the safest place comparing to the hell they had been through. He left and did not see that the young man did not smile back but clasped his arms and started praying knowing very well that the Gods did not exist in the place where Yunho was going.

* * *

 

Yunho understood that all descriptions of the surroundings of that small town dimmed colliding with the real version. The nature was right out of the fairytale with big trees sometimes covering the sky and the sun from the view – everything was so green and of different shapes and the air was so tasty that it felt like you were eating it as a favourite cake with every breath. He saw the scattered houses in the distance that passed the feeling of complete tranquility and made you wish you could draw them right away. But his breath was taken away by a sudden glimpse of castle-like mansion standing aside from the town. It had truly amazing styles of different architectures mixed in one unity and representing the heritage of the ancestors who seemed to own it for many generations.

“This is such a beautiful mansion – why have I not heard about it before? This is a true gem of this area!”

The horseman who agreed to help him to move his belongings looked to the side and got silent for a moment.

“This is a very old mansion which belongs to the Shim family. They helped to survive our village from older times and develop it into small town but… they are a private family. They do not visit us often and are not speaking to us that much”

“May I pay a visit to introduce myself then?”

“Nobody has visited that place… Mr Jung… you seem to be a good-hearted man… Please be careful and try not to mingle with that place.”

“But you said that this family cares about you and helps your town! How can you give me such an advice?”

“This family has a rather… strange history – almost all of them die young or from different accidents that are hard to explain. Actually right now there is only one young Master Shim is left from the whole family. His parents disappeared when he was 12 and most of the people who tried to help him did not return too. It’s better for us to take an example from him and stay away from each other”

 They arrived at the mayor’s mansion for Yunho to get all formalities done. All people who met him were rather pleasant and enamored by him quickly. Yunho never had trouble with starting conversations and making bonds with people but this evening he could not concentrate properly – the horseman’s story never leaving his mind.

 He was offered several beautiful houses in the center of the town but persuaded the major to provide him with the small one somewhere on the border as he had to explore and collect the herbs for his medicine receipts (but truly wanted some peace for himself in private). 

He moved into his new house and started arranging the little belongings he had. After several hours he saw the moon through the window and went out. The whole area was very quiet and the air was beginning to be filed with pleasant cold. But just when Yunho wanted to go back into his room he saw some flickering light in the woods. He reached the forest slowly and the light became more prominent.

Forgetting everything about the unfamiliar area he followed it and after some time encountered a lawn. It was like a bottom of the wood well – the trees were surrounding it very thickly and the grass was shining in the moonlight that was casting from the window of braches high in the air. But the most magical part of this picture was a young man lying on his back with his eyes close. His face was almost ethereal and the moonlight was flattering his pale cheekbones with red lips that were like pomegranate drops on the snow. His body seemed to be sculptured in careful beauty and the tempting curve of his hands was the starting point of no return for Yunho at that second.  The time was frozen and Yunho stopped breathing – he was lost and knew that this image would haunt him in his wildest dreams.

The man stirred and his face was marred by the pain – this brought Yunho back to reality and he felt ashamed for staring at the young man with his desire without thinking that he might be needing help. He ran to him grasping his hand to check the rhythm of the pulse. The young man startled and opened his eyes. When he saw Yunho his eyes were filled with surprise and then fear. He tried to get free of his hold but Yunho fought back to keep him at his side.

“Please don’t worry! I am no threat! I just want to check if you are alright”

“Let go” the young man still tried to break Yunho’s hold.

“I will not hurt you I promise” Yunho was flustered by the young man’s sudden amazed stare. ‘Gosh these eyes are compelling’

“You don’t understand – you have to go away now!”   

“What? Why?”

“You have to go back to safety! Go! Now!”

“If it is dangerous here – then you go with me!”

The young man smirked darkly “You would not want my company. Believe me.”

Yunho hated to see this look on anyone – he already saw that before – the look of complete disgust and hatred channeled to yourself. He could not understand how people could redirect these types of emotions on their souls and destroy them with self-harm.

His grip tightened and he exclaimed “Don’t! Don’t speak like this!”

The young man halted for a moment and stared at the man – he seemed to be lost in deep thought and when he suddenly jerked back his whole aura was emitting disbelief.

“It can’t be… it should not be… why nothing happened? Why am I still here? It is not possible…” He was mumbling non-stop looking around. It seemed like a panic attack starting so Yunho grasped the young man’s shoulders and made him look him in the eye.

“Who are you?” the young man whispered.

“My name is Jung Yunho – I arrived here today”

“What are you?”

This question threw Yunho off balance – he felt that the context was completely different from what people usually ask but could not find the right answer.

“I am… a doctor… I mean I arrived here to fill this position and…. By the way I still do not know your name.”

The young man was speaking as if he was inventing the alphabet in the process again “Shim Changmin”

“Shim? The Shims? You are from that beautiful mansion?”

“Beautiful?”’

“Yes!! I remember passing it as if it was right now – you have an amazing house... I beg your pardon… I did not mean to sound so incoherent! It’s just…”

“MASTER SHIM!”

Both men looked to the side and saw an old man rushing to their side. He was holding a strangle bottle and a bag with something clacking inside but the moment his eyes caught Yunho he hid that bottle in the pocket and stopped in his track.

“Master Shim! Are you alright?”

“Yes, Alfred – don’t worry” It seemed they had a silent conversation between them for a moment after which the old man relaxed in posture.

”Mr. Jung this is Alfred – my babysitter…”

“Actually I am his butler - but anyway nice to meet you Mr. Jung” Alfred shook Yunho’s hand and this let Changmin to finally slip from his grasp.

“Oh please call me Yunho! Nice to meet you too”

 “We have to go now, Alfred.” Changmin was collecting the lantern from the lawn and getting ready to leave. Yunho knew that the time was strange and the circumstances too but he felt like he would regret forever if he did not say anything right now.

“Will we meet again?”

This question seemed to catch Changmin off guard. He looked at Yunho with the expression of an injured animal who did not know whether this figure in front of him was a killer or a saviour. The storm of emotions seemed almost to make him to lose control of his will or break an old oath he had cast upon himself but the clack of Alfred’s bag cleared his eyes. His face turned whiter than before and he steeled all features into a mask of stolidity.

“It’s better not”

And after that they disappeared into the woods like a never existing dream leaving Yunho in the middle of emotional maze from which there was no exit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is unbelievable but here i am finally updating this story. I got the outline for the plot and hope i will be able to finish it in one piece before going crazy.  
> enjoy))))

The next days passed as if in a daze.

Yunho tried to fall in a routine of a new place – arranging the room for future appointments, going around the town and getting to know new people.

As it usually goes in a small town his arrival was long awaited and discussed. Being confirmed by his face and rumored high society lineage he was well-welcomed. The resourceful mothers were ready to drop their traps for the sake of their single daughters. The far-sighted young gentlemen tried to become friends for the sake of his possible future recommendations in case they would attempt to move to London.

‘Nothing changes’ sighed Yunho.

In all places – no matter how far, how different or how foreign – people’s nature stayed the same. Same goals, same hypocrisy, same aversion arising in his chest despite Yunho’s efforts not to notice these evident patterns.

He hoped the level of manners he would have to keep publicly would be less in this forgotten place. But the usual mask of politeness was needed even here no matter how hard he hoped to let himself go.

It wasn’t that he was against treating everyone with a kind and gentle heart but the amount of pain and broken promises left the scars in his soul.

‘People promise as easily as they are ready to hurt’

The flashes of mangled ground with injured children rushing through his mind made him lose his stepping for a while again.

A habit he didn’t want to get used to.

 

*

 

Yunho smiled here and there, bowed more than twice.

Easy ways to buy the time and opportunity to safely and quickly leave for his quiet house.

How happy and content he had been when he got that distant place of his solitude.

‘Had been’ passed through his mind leaving the taste of pierced ice crust in his chest.

 

His hopes of getting his thoughts and broken pieces of mind in one were crushed on that moonlight night. He could still feel the slight wind, the smell of dusk, the smoothness of Changmin’s shirt.

Yunho was haunted by the man who somehow consumed his mind and could not let go.

 

The most daunting thing – Yunho wasn’t sure he was willing to let go himself.

 

*

 

As a part of his usual morning ritual Yunho took his bag to go to the forest. He wanted to make a list of herbs he could collect there without going to the big city and prepare the minimum amount of medicine for starters. But every time while he was wandering along the bushes his mind would be distracted by two deer-like eyes.

It was becoming irrational. Yunho spent more than two weeks here and still could not establish his practice.

It was the first time his determination was shaken without any sensible reason.

 

Giving up on his attempts to get himself together this morning Yunho went to his new-found favourite spot near a small lake on the border of the forest.

The lake was surrounded by the tall trees which concealed it from the view and created a protection circle for his feverish mind.

He sat on a fallen tree by the hill facing the water and inhaled deeply.

The air here was much lusher and richer – absorbing the scents of the leaves, the flowers and the lake. Yunho loved it – the peace of nature. Without any harsh interference of man power it managed to take care of its smallest children. Even the fallen tree was now gently covered by the greenest moss as if lulled and comforted by the mother.

Here – even the fallen ones were cherished and kept their right to stay as a part of a whole.

‘Unlike out there’

The sudden pain of a forgotten memory shot through his body reaching even the fingertips with a force of a hammer and Yunho lost the hold of his bag. Nervously swallowing he tried to even his breathing.

He thought the ghosts and the longing of his past left him for good but we always make mistakes that hurt us without warning when we trick our memory into temporary oblivion.

In a frantic attempt to ward the visions off Yunho took a small stone and sent it flying to the lake. It dropped with a dull sound, echoing softly through the forest.

The sound died.

The stone drowned.

The place where it hit the water disappeared.

But the ripples from it were still drawing the circles on the water. Going larger and further –still preserving that initial impact.

Just as a blow to the soul.

It may penetrate you, graze you, vanish in you – but the mark and phantom pains from it would create ripples that would always stay somewhere on the borders of your soul. Bringing back the echo of the past you want to forget.

“And I took too many blows already…” whispered Yunho closing the eyes “but despite that I am about to receive yet another one”

He pinched his forehead shaking the memories away.

 

Yunho could feel it.

The opportunity Changmin gifted to him – not to go that way anymore, not to add to his wounds.

He _had_ to use it.

“But why can’t I?”

His mind drifted to the times he was desperately trying to sleep only to find himself dressing up and going to the gates of the mansion. With outrageous ideas to ask for a meeting or just to get a glimpse of Changmin again.

He would spend restless hours battling with himself, digging his nails till blood into his palms. He would look at the cold surface of the house – not being able to find any _warm or home_ in any of the windows. Just as in Changmin’s eyes.

In the end he would turn back hating and cursing at himself for behaving like a fool. Praying not to feel and act this stupid again.

Only to break this promise next night.

 

Yunho did not try to ask anyone in the town about Changmin – clearly seeing now the uneasiness and excessive nervousness any glance towards the mansion aroused.  He didn’t want to create unnecessary rumours or any inadequate questions about it.

 Acting as uncharacteristically as ever – for the first time in his life – he decided to keep this memory and a chance meeting to himself. Treasuring it as if the most precious possession.

‘A possession that will soon turn into obsession if I continue like this’

Yunho looked upon the ripples on the water again – his own soul answering and resonating with this disturbance.

“This needs to stop. I can’t go on like this. It was not the reason for me to come here. This is not to become a repetition of the usual disappointment…”

And as a vow to keep that promise and determination he took a quick step towards the shoreline and fell into the lake. He let the water close up above his head and let the sound inside and out be blocked. The vacuum hugged him clearing the noise.

Yunho trusted the lake bed to pull him slowly down while facing the blurred sky. The rays of the sun were getting through the water to him. Yunho stretched the hand and almost grasped them. They looked so solid and strong in the advancing darkness of the underworld.

‘As if the straws of hope…’

His fingers clasped the sunshine strings, eyes following to the surface.

‘That is the way for me to follow – up and away from this darkness… not the other way around’

And with several strong strokes he emerged from the water taking a deep breath.

Setting his mind to move forward. Locking the moonlight memory deep in his mind. Throwing away the key to it as well as the familiar road to the mansion.

 

After returning to the fallen tree he gathered his bag and took his way to the house. The clothes drying along the way – synching with the pace of his mind calming down. Keeping the momentum going.

 

Little he knew that in a secrete distance another man shared the same moment of working up his courage to finally choose a new path and move further.

 

_Momenta about to cross._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will hug all the comments and share tea with them. please let me enjoy their company^^


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to edit one chapter and post it cause this story is transforming into a monster and i hate it when i have many pages stored unpublished. it's not proofread by anyone so many mistakes can be found and i am sorry.  
> please enjoy or at least give it a shot. this part is a bit chaotic.

The town was lively from the very morning – preparing for the festival. Everyone was busy trying to get the best decoration for the house and the best dress for the evening ball.

The celebration of the city foundation.

The history that the people try to appreciate through the times no matter where they are. A point of time that unites everyone and gives them a footing to adapt to their insignificance in the universe.

Yunho was invited to participate in the gentlemen’s part of the evening after all the dishes that had been served during the whole day. The entertainment at its best. Cards, scotch, politics, wars, weapons – all that talk that brings people together and divides right away.

Yunho didn’t speak much but his every word was met with the expectant enthusiasm. The mayor was excited to welcome such a high born guest for the first time in the decade (Yunho’s doctoring quickly forgotten for the titles he never used).

The evening changed its shades from dark blue to black, moving into the final phase of mellow bliss. The conversation reached the subject of the church – meaning the host would soon call it a night.

“I tell you we need more money for the restoration” announced the cleric for the nth time this evening.

The whole room was ready to sigh indulgently. The mayor, being the kind host, dashed to keep the decorous conduct at place.

“I understand your concerns, my dear servant of God. But we already received the monthly amount from the mansion. You know we can’t ask for more”

“The Shims used to make the donation on this day”

The wine in the cleric’s hands was tripping over the corners of the glass leaving the marks of his commitment to the society’s obligations. The mayor pressed his lips, following the traces of this commitment falling now on his beautiful carpet.

“It is in the past. You know that the young master stopped supporting our attachment to the holy blessing”

“We have to try until he gives in! You should have sent him the invitation this year!”

“I did. Just as during all previous years too. You know he doesn’t like to visit us often. And maybe that is for the best…”

The unanimous hum and the putrid glistening in everyone’s eyes made Yunho sick.

His lips tingled to disagree, to shout and to protect – only his immense willpower allowed him not to speak up and not to let his boredom mask fall apart. The animosity to Changmin’s name and everything that tried to stain it brought his mind into the frenzy disorder. The intensity of it surprising even himself.

He wished the others would move on from this topic.

The cleric felt different.

“Well… he can stay at his vast castle and never show up for proper events but we need to try getting the necessary amount for the church because there is nothing more important than the connection to the God…”

_“Nothing more?”_

The whole room got quiet.

Yunho was afraid to move, to breathe, to blink. His mind was racing to check if it were a reality or one of his desirable dreams coming to blind his mind and rip him of sanity.

Changmin was leaning on the door frame with a glass of something while Alfred made his way into the room, heavy breathing and sending inappropriate for the servants glances to the younger. He was about to say something but stopped when his eyes met Yunho’s. A mix of lenity and acceptance appearing on his face, carrying no translation for Yunho.

The mayor was the first to recover himself, belching a smile that was too fake even for a politician.

“Mr. Shim! I am glad you’ve come! I didn’t dare to hope you would accept the invitation to grace our humble party with your appearance!”

“Humble?” muttered Changmin and slowly shifted his eyes along the pompous decoration of the room “It’s more of a …”

“Pleasure!” exclaimed Alfred simultaneously reaching to grasp Changmin’s hand. “Let me find you the best seat here, Master Shim!”

Yunho was about to laugh at the expression of the little annoyed boy that crossed Changmin’s features for a second until the latter stopped in his tracks and chose the seat at the table right across Yunho. His posture all sharp angles, the motions shaky like a grazed stretched string, the eyes carefully avoiding Yunho’s chair.

Everyone was struggling to find the possible topics to discuss and not to cause the backlash but failed.

The wine taking the responsibility upon itself and fulfilling the gaps once again in the horrible fashion through the faithful servant of God.

“Mr. Shim, as you went through all the troubles to visit us finally I would love not to waste your time on the unnecessary conversations and will move to the point. I already sent several letters to you about this matter though there was no answer – well I know that you are a quite busy person so it’s understandable. But those letters contained the plans that would bring the prosperity and happiness to this town. We have to go through a complete reconstruction of our beautiful church and…”

“Why are you talking about the church?”

The irritation was slowly conquering the space near Changmin stringing out the cobweb of annoyance even further. The cleric leaned back as if hit by the nasty gust of wind.

“Ummm… what do you mean?”

“You said that you would like to describe the plan that would bring prosperity and happiness to this town and I don’t see how this can be connected to the church. It doesn’t bring money and I don’t think that people go there to find any form of happiness. So stop doing it”

“D.. Doing what?”

“Wasting my time”

The words were thrown casually while Changmin’s eyes were cold and the mind was somewhere else. It was evident it was not the first time that he had this conversation together with these requests and that he could answer or rather reject all these attempts without any hesitation.

“You can’t talk like this, Mr. Shim. This is heresy”

“Why? Because I just happen not to believe the God exists?”

The cleric jerked back letting the wine completely leave the glass for the floor.

“You have to be saved” his whisper was trembling.

The sudden tightening of Changmin’s jaw was almost audible. The sharp intake of the breath left Yunho stupefied and he got the flashback of Changmin’s dead eyes and self-resentment from their moonlight meeting. Yunho felt his fingertips sting and only after a moment he understood that he grasped the chair so hard that his knuckles turned white.

“And you think your church will save me?”

Changmin’s face was like a cold fire with the demons dancing on it.

Yunho wanted to shout. He wanted to scream at all those men to shut up until his throat hurt.

‘How could they not see that he is in pain? How can they add up more to his scars? How can anyone hurt this man so arrogantly?’

During this moment Changmin startled a bit as if Yunho’s protective field reached his thorny circle. Firmly he met Yunho’s eyes leaning back into the chair. For a moment he let his cautious wall drop and the intensity of his inner feelings and the fire in his eyes almost bent Yunho to the ground.

“Mr. Jung, do you think the churches can save people?” Changmin’s voice was low but the preceding poison was missing.

Yunho almost lost all control from the sudden question but the high society upbringing kicked in just in time to save his face.

“Yes, they can”

Changmin tilted his head a bit and smirked.

“Oh… my bad. You were brought up as all those good boys with the constant reminder of the church useless importance. But I ask YOU and not your upbringing. You think the building has a power to save a person?”

Yunho saw where Changmin was leading to. He had understood him the moment the younger spoke about this with those undertones in his voice.

Because he also felt and thought the same.

But the lesson that Yunho learned through all the years was that you couldn’t inflict your sad experience and your demons on the others because the others might not even have a chance to encounter your kind of problems in their whole life, or might be able to be much stronger than you and fight them right away, or might be damaged beyond the restoration level by your words and then it would be your fault in ruining someone’s life and not that person’s.

“It is not a matter of the building. It is a matter of belief”

The cleric jumped in appreciation and the chance to continue his preaching.

“Mr. Jung is right. Faith will save us all and…”

 “ _Mr. Jung_ said _belief_ and not _faith_ ”

Yunho almost chuckled. It was the duel of the ambiguous allusions the others would not understand after being trapped in their own little world for so long.

“True. Belief can save the person because it gives him strength when no one can help – and this belief can be connected to anything the person relates to – a God, a dream, a promise or…”

“A person?”

The way Changmin’s voice cracked hoarsely was staggering and Yunho shivered as if the hidden meaning crept on his skin and started to bite him slightly.

“Maybe a person. In the end it does not matter. Because the amount of belief still depends on the giving person”

“What if that person does not want to give anything?”

“I beg your pardon but…”

“Never mind”

Changmin broke the eye contact with Yunho and took a sip from the glass. Slowly tracing the image of the moon with the tree on it he breathed out biting his lips.

“You all speak so fervently about the church but conveniently forget what kind of date is celebrated today”

“The date of the foundation is commemorated in every town” interfered the mayor.

“True. But our town is a bit unusual… don’t you think so, Sir?” Changmin looked up at Yunho again making him fidget under the scrutinizing gaze. “Will you be so kind to share with our guest the story we are paying a tribute to today?”

It looked like the mayor was only happy to dive into another subject not catching the dark sparkle of Changmin’s eyes.

“The history says that in this place one of the clans was seeking the refuge from the savage hunters who were killing a lot of people. The shamans of the clan seeing how exhausted and tired their people were from fleeing all the time decided to search for help and found the wandering spirits living here. They made a pact – they would let the spirits merge with the people for some time to fight off the enemies and the spirits would use this opportunity to feel alive again before leaving for the afterworld. The deal was a success and the hunters were destroyed. That is how our ancestors stayed on this land and built a small village that grew into such a beautiful town. And from those times the emblem of our place is the moon divided by the tree. Isn’t it a beautiful legend? In the end people make up such things all the time and…”

 “… Forget the most important things celebrating only the happy events to soothe their minds instead of remembering the hardest and darkest times to learn the lesson and not to repeat the same mistake in the future”  

The silence let the men hear the rain starting outside the windows.

A steady accompaniment to the quickened heartbeat.

“You see there is a continuation to this story… When your strength is about to disappear you tend to choose the less evil – sometimes forgetting about the consequences. So when the shamans agreed to that deal they could not imagine how sick it would turn out. The clan killed the hunters but the spirits broke the promise and refused to leave the human vessels. They had a taste of life again and a taste of blood to satisfy their blackened souls… and they desired to walk the earth freely again. They tried to overtake the people who carried them, killing the weakest in the process and making the others go mad. The shamans had to use all their powers to stop this but after the long sleepless nights they understood that they could only block the spirits – that turned into the demons after many kills – in the bodies forever... Only to make a cage for them, a cage that would not allow the demons to see the light ever again”

With every sentence Changmin lowered his voice as if losing himself in the memory of the things no one would ever understand.

“The ritual took place in the forest under the full moon but the demons were strong and in the chaos that happened there the shamans managed to perform only a part of the spell before they were killed – thus leaving a little crack in the demon’s cage. If the person was angry or overwhelmed by the emotions so much that he would lose control – the demons used this opportunity to slip through the defense walls and try to erase the identity of the person. Besides every full moon the demons had the power to overtake the people again and go on a rampage. Only with time the clan managed to find the only place that could have suppressed the darkness the chosen ones were carrying – that lawn on which the ritual took place soaking the earth with the blood of the half of the clan. That place contained the magic and sacrifice… the power that kept the demons trapped in it during the turning days. So every moon the cursed people would go there with the hopes to survive till morning while their loved ones were standing near, helplessly looking at the sight of horror in front of them and knowing they would never be able to help. A small mistake that cost dozens of the innocent lives. A rushed deal that destroyed the happiness of the whole clan and future generations…”

 “But this is just a pretty tale to scare the children at nights…”

“A tale?!”

Changmin jerked forward crushing the glass on the table.

Breathing haggard.

Fists clenching.

The temperature of the room dropped by several degrees and this time no one dared to speak a word.

Yunho wanted to do something but a sudden fear froze him to the spot. A veil with the grey images he wanted to burn covered his eyes, making everything blurry. The only thing he managed to do was to whisper with the last dose of his strength.

_“Changmin…”_

It was more of an instinct. Yunho never dared to be so familiar with other people before but somehow his brain let go of every sense and code of conduct when this young man appeared in front of him. And somehow this name seemed to be the only stable point in the flood of memories right now – allowing to him to stand firm in the present.

Changmin raised his head a little and Yunho could swear he saw a black tint flashing under the curls in the big eyes of the younger.

Changmin stopped shaking and the same surprise that had taken place on that moonlight night crossed his features again, merging into something else. _Something thrilling._

The time stopped and it felt like there were only two of them in the whole world. One more second and Yunho would be able to hear Changmin’s thoughts and feel his heart…

“Master Shim, I am afraid we have to go”

The spell was broken.

The _something_ disappeared from Changmin’s face. He quickly got up from his place and went to the door followed by his faithful butler.

The moment he was about to disappear in the dark corridor Changmin turned around and bowed a little.

“Gentlemen, thank you for your company. I wish you a pleasant evening”

His gaze never leaving Yunho until the door closed with a soft click.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the comments may save my and their lives so please be my guest


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> somehow i did have some energy left for editing the pages i have on this work.
> 
> please enjoy)))

Changmin did not appear on any other night or day after his unexpected visit.

It seemed everything returned to the common circle of things and most of the people silently thanked their _god_ with a heavy exhale over their Darjeeling tea.

The time went slow and Yunho finally dived into work. The whole town decided it was their sworn duty to visit him and ask for any kind of medicine possible, trying to get to know him better.

Evidently aiming to throw a knot over his highborn neck, though the attempts were quite cautious after that infamous dinner.

Yunho always worked till late to have an excuse of exhaustion to avoid the public gatherings and for the others to let him go home – where his free time was filled with going through the history scrolls and finding the confirmation of Changmin’s unbelievable story.

_A story._

Yunho could not make himself call this a _tale_.

Something in Changmin’s behavior, his choice of words, his emotions behind all this built a very vivid  picture that he had hard time to erase. Especially if it was mixing with the shaken memories of his feverish mind.

He could not blame the people around for their denial and bitter reception of that so-called legends.

Most things we celebrate and immortalize for the future have their roots in the darkness of the history. But as the time passes – people tend to adjust. They transform and correct the memories into a comfortable reality – we are more prone to commemorate the happy sides or convenient remakes rather than to remember the sadness, the dismay and the horror of our own doing.

Not to learn from the lessons of the past but to live further in order to repeat the same mistakes as if for the first time.

The circle of burning iron that no generation would break.

Because people are fragile things in the most cases.

_Breakable and weak._

 

By the end of the second week Yunho’s storage ran low on the herbs and he decided it would be a great day to cancel all the appointments to spend half of it in the forest. 

 

 

 

Clearing his mind would not hurt either.

 

 

 

The wind was fresh with the smell of the good bye leaves.

The breath of autumn.

There was still the lightness of the summer with the crystals of warmth but the nature already started its beautiful silent requiem, with all the flowers, the trees and the grass joining the chorus of the birds. Truly the richest season of the year as that was the last opportunity to blossom, to show green, to bestow and to shine the brightest before the snow would lay everything to sleep.

Yunho wandered around in the maze of the woods until he stumbled upon the lawn where he first met Changmin.

The dusk was declaring its rights.

Yunho was picking up the last portions of herbs until his gaze dropped on the bilberry hidden in the bushes.

A sudden tickling covering his skin in goosebumps.

 _Black_.

Same as the second appearance of Changmin’s hidden soul.

The memories were flooding him again.

“Changmin…”

_“I thought you would not show up”_

Yunho thought he was hallucinating but the sudden crunch of the branches made him jump up.

Changmin was leaning back against the oak. His eyes were making a trip from Yunho’s dusty hands to his eyes so slowly that Yunho felt himself burning suddenly as if the fire kisses were being peppered along the way. Suddenly breaking from the illusion of his sleepless nights and seeing the real person in front of him he felt himself fidgeting for no good reason. He could never really put a finger on this feeling because it was so controversial – the warmth and serenity that spread at first was quickly followed by the sudden wave of anxiety, something disrupting and foreboding. 

The moon cast its veil on the lawn and Yunho wondered how much time had passed since they locked the eyes on each other. At the same moment Changmin’s expression hardened, mixed with the unexplained hesitation. He looked into the sky as if it was the most fearful thing in his life and after clenching his fists several times he took a very confident stride right to Yunho.

The younger stopped right in front of him hovering just a bit from above. Eyes flaming with the questions unasked and the answers being awaited. The mask was destroyed from the emotions overflowing him and Yunho saw the diversity that added more mystery to the whole situation.

Agitation and worry.

Weariness and resolution.

Fear and _hope?_

Several minutes passed and nothing happened.

Yunho felt the awkwardness spreading around them and decided to do at least something not to shift it to a dangerous kind of tension.

“Mr. Shim. What a… surprise to meet you here!”

“ _Changmin_ ”

The younger lowered his gaze but didn’t move an inch. It felt like he got the clue for his puzzle but didn’t know how to use it. Or how to handle it because this was the first time he saw the door in his catacombs but was afraid that behind it there would be another one, leaving him in despair forever.

Yunho cleared his throat, feeling _that_ _tension_ crawling upon him.

“What?”

“ _Changmin_. You already called me that before”

The tension quickly transformed into Yunho’s face warming up with the speed of the light and the older prayed his voice didn’t tremble when he started to make up the appropriate excuses.

“And I apologize for the rudeness I allowed to happen. I…”

“Just… use _Changmin_ as you did before”

Yunho found himself silently revising his medical training to locate his lungs and make them pump the air in and out again. He geared up to take a stand on his opinion but one glance at Changmin and he saw all his determination flying out of the window.

Along with his principles, beliefs, views and upbringing.

Inside of him Yunho felt the younger destroying everything conventional to the society’s measures but contrary to the expectations he was welcoming this change. And somehow he thought Changmin would not be shocked nor against it too. So he bit his lips and took a leap of faith.

“This will be unfair if only I behave like this. So… please call me _Yunho_ ”

Suddenly stumbling back Changmin furrowed his brows and pierced the older with the most consuming gaze possible.

 “Yunho…”

The word left his lips so quickly, as if it had been in prison there for eternity. And now that it was allowed freedom it went into dive and snatched Yunho’s soul as an eagle would catch its pray.

_Calm down and just breathe, Yunho. And try not to go overboard as usual._

“What are you doing here, Changmin?”

“Just walking around”

“Waiting for me?”

“What! No!”

“But you were afraid I wouldn’t show up, remember?”

_Nice, Yunho! Totally not overboard!_

Changmin cast a glance of annoyance at Yunho but the older felt like he was winning whatever tiptoe-dance they started. He just couldn’t make himself behave differently around Changmin, his mouth talking quicker than his brain processing the manners code.

Yunho was not the one to swim against his own current for long. So he chose to follow his intuition more closely while dealing with Changmin because the usual social conventions were completely unfit for the younger.

And now his gut was telling Yunho that he should mention and clarify _that_ party.

“How are you feeling after that dinner, Changmin?”

“Why do you bother?” the puzzlement on Changmin’s face made Yunho pause.

“Changmin… The people were rude to you”

The younger snorted and this casual brushing off of the hatred that had been directed at him brought Yunho more pain than thousands of needles without anesthesia.  

“And what can I do? They do not believe the _ancient_ heresy. Just the _present_ heresy satisfies their mind with the prospect of forgiveness that doesn’t exist in this world. Though they will not meet it even after death. They are lost in their little circle of imposed normality and are ready to force anyone different into their _faith_ in pretence to save you. As soon as you decline their offer they will put a stigma on you and will keep you off so that you will not poison other people’s mind”

“… might be true” was the only response Yunho could provide because anything other added to this conversation could trigger Changmin more and he didn’t want to rile him up more than needed.

Changmin stopped his flood of words and tilted his head, taking in the features of Yunho as if noticing him for the first time.

“But not _you_ ”

Yunho was startled.

That _YOU_ held so much meaning that his head started spinning.

“What do you mean?”

“You reacted quite unusual. Completely different from anyone I encountered before. As if…”

“I travelled a lot!” hurriedly exclaimed Yunho. “It broadens your horizons and well… you know…”

“Even in the supernatural field?”

Changmin’s stare was so unsettling that Yunho hoped his shiver went unnoticed. He tried to shake away the apprehension that Changmin knew more than he let on but it was hard to fight.

“You like to come to this place… why?” asked the younger turning around and letting Yunho to collect his thoughts.

“I do not know”

“This lawn… is sacred. It was this very place where the ritual took place. In this place the _earth_ remembers those times and still holds its power… the sacrifice of the shamans”

Yunho looked under his feet, suddenly thinking that he was intruding in the territory he didn’t have any right to enter.

Changmin interrupted the older’s inner fight by facing him abruptly and almost crying out. 

“Are you not going to call me insane?”

“Why would I? Every place holds its memory. The fact that I was not here to witness it does not take away its worth and power…”

Not listening till the end Changmin stomped right to Yunho.

“ _Who_ are you?”

The question thrown as a last straw of cry for help.

_Again._

And again Yunho did not know how to answer it.

“I already told you. I can’t give you any coherent explanation why I believe you. Changmin, please… I just want to…”

“I don’t get it! This is impossible!” muttered Changmin and rushed to walk away quickly.

Yunho stayed for a while trying to process what exactly had happened and what that meant for them.

The seed of the idea crawling to the surface and scratching at his mind.

_Incredible and totally unbelievable!_

When Yunho returned home he saw the berries he started to collect before encountering Changmin on his porch placed in a wooden box. 

 

 

 

For the first time in many months Yunho fell asleep smiling that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will try to edit the left pages as soon as possible. stay tuned)))  
> xoxo


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the calm before the storm.
> 
> enjoy))

Since that day Yunho fell into the habit of going to the forest every morning and also in the evening during the weekend.

Changmin always showed up at some point of his wildcrafting.

Sometimes already waiting for him. Sometimes following him from behind in the middle of Yunho’s walk to the mellow spots. Sometimes arriving late with flushed cheeks and a bit of sweat glistening on his neck.

Never speaking.

Just sitting close enough to see the wanderings and movements of the older.

Yunho never initiated the first contact – choosing to wait for the younger to be ready for whatever he had been preparing for all this time.

But as the days passed the older understood that maybe a little push wouldn’t hurt in the end.

 

 

Yunho started to pull out the grass, checking it in the sun as if it were a diamond. Humming a happy tune in delight and carefully putting the leaves in the bag.

He repeated this ritual, deriving pleasure from secretly watching how Changmin’s lips were twitching with the confusion, distress and then irritation much stronger with every day.

_“What is this?”_

With his back facing Changmin Yunho allowed a tiny smile to claim his lips before calmly turning around and raising the leaves in his hand.

“This?”

“Yes! This!” exclaimed Changmin with the impatience that was supposed to be intimidating but somehow ended up only cute in Yunho’s mind.

The older gathered all his strength to keep his professional mode on.

“This is a rather rare grass. It helps with a very severe illness so I need to collect as much as I can…”

“It is not! This is just the simplest and most useless grass you will ever find in this world!”

“And you know this from…”

Changmin was now pacing around the lawn completely shredding his signature composure. The words flying out of his mouth as if the storm broke into the safe house.

“I checked all the books and encyclopedias available in my library and even in the city. What kind of nonsense are you collecting?”

Absent-mindedly the younger ran his fingers through his hair that sent his already-sticking out curls into a frantic mess.

Yunho smiled.

“Like I said – the cure”

“The cure from what?!” roared Changmin finally halting his pace.

“The cure from muteness” softly replied Yunho.

Changmin’s face did so many turns and jumps and twists and blinks that Yunho started to laugh out loud.

“You see! This grass is magical. It is working!”

“You did this on purpose!!!”

“I am a doctor. I heal people and lately I noticed you were feeling down so…”

“I feel quite all right, thank you. I don’t need your help…”

Chocking on the last words as if they were a threat to Changmin’s very existence the younger shook his head and shifted his gaze to the ground. The armies of unknown were fighting again somewhere inside him allowing only a seldom frown to take its place on Changmin’s forehead and every time Yunho felt that it was not _his_ side that was winning at that moment.

He noticed how Changmin’s feet were slowly turning to the path of escape again.

But that was _not_ the plan for today.

Yunho got used to this quiet company and almost stopped feeling those freezing and paralyzing bites on his back when Changmin appeared. With time as his dream of seeing the younger came true and the excitement from their shared time calmed down a little **,** Yunho started to notice little smears and off-lines in Changmin’s demeanor.

 _Something_ was bothering the younger.

 _Something_ that was somehow connected to Yunho but at the same time was not exactly fixed on him.

Yunho felt ecstatic when he thought that maybe Changmin took a liking to him but the aura and the expressions the younger wore sometimes when he thought that the older didn’t look **,** contained a much deeper thing.

The thing that stopped Changmin from joining and opening up to Yunho in the end.

Stopped from lifting his eyes to notice the sunlight and the colorful sky after the rain.

Stopped from feeling the touch of the beautiful butterflies flying around after their sudden arrival in the heart of the forest.

Stopped from emitting the light that was gifted to every man.

Stopped from _the life_ in general.

Yunho wanted to find it – the reason, the root, the heart.

He wanted to be let in and try to reach the ghost of the flame in Changmin, to keep it safe at first until it was ready to burn on its own and after that to help it to take its rightful place.

The wish was so strong that Yunho was adamantly sure it might have been his destiny in the end.

That all the previous horror might have happened to him _for a reason_.

He still wanted to believe in it like a fool.

So that’s why he could not just let the younger leave, give up, turn away and run.

_Not today._

“Changmin… stay”

The second that stretched during this moment led to the overwhelming increase of his heartbeats. The sound of pounding blood was so loud that he had to set his jaw and hold his breath.

Changmin didn’t move, back still facing Yunho.

His shoulders were so tense and hunched that their sight alone could tell a story some people would not have the guts to listen till the end.

“Why?”

“Because I enjoy your company?”

Changmin turned around to shoot Yunho a look full of incomprehension mixed with curiosity.

“You are strange…”

The sentence definitely held more meaning and though it implied to baffle Yunho the older sensed the change – as if his army inside Changmin finally crushed the first wall.

“Some may say so”

“… and stupid” muttered Changmin.

Yunho really should have been strict and angry with the younger at this point but he found himself not caring about the appropriate manners even if his life depended on this.

“Are you sure that is the right way to speak to those who are older?” he uttered pouting from the inability to sound even a bit serious.

“You asked for the familiarity yourself” shrugged Changmin putting his hands on his hips.

“Touché” chuckled Yunho getting a lungful of air after finally being able to cut the tangled ropes that had been restraining them both. “You know, today I don’t feel like working. Maybe you can keep me company going to that lake”

“You say as if I know the exact place you are talking about”

“Don’t you? The roots that I found on my porch several days ago are from there”

Changmin’s ears turned red and against the green blanket of the leaves behind the younger – the picture was breathtaking. Yunho made himself take a small step back not to dash forward and lock the younger in a hug.

Changmin took a great interest in fumbling the corners of his jacket.

“This… I just… You searched for it for so long while they were right under your nose. I couldn’t stand it anymore! You are so…”

“Stupid!” cheerfully exclaimed Yunho. “I know. Let’s go, Changmin!”

And this time Yunho didn’t bother with the etiquette and grasped the younger by the shoulder, merrily leading the way to his favourite spot.

 

 

The days passed and Changmin started to open up bit by bit. About the little nothings – but this was already a big step in whatever that was forming and overlapping between them.

Wildcrafting together turned into simple meetings by the lake or at Yunho’s house where they tasted all varieties of tea that Changmin brought from his storage.

Changmin was still hesitant and cautious.

He didn’t speak about his inner struggles and Yunho decided to let him be because there were more urgent and important events. Such as Changmin finally tearing his eyes from the ground and looking around, taking in the colors of the nature as if noticing them for the first time. His cheeks finally being graced with the healthy hues. His movements getting gentler in contrast to the sharp and jerky turns in the past. His words finally filled with life and _so much of the real him_ after leaving the chains of the society and something crueler behind.

 Yunho felt happy and content just seeing how the younger became livelier and fresher with each day. As if he forgot what had been bothering him and found the ways to escape the maze of his cages.

They talked for hours about everything, jumping from one topic to another, arguing about insignificant things that always ended up in Yunho’s melodic laugh and Changmin rolling his eyes at the older’s antics. The routine that Yunho cherished, loved and replayed many times before falling in the arms of sleep that was free of his past nightmares now.

The first time Yunho saw Changmin’s lips being touched by a gentle smile when they were lying in the grass and looking at the stars gained a sacred place in the older’s memory.

The evening when Changmin laughed for the first time after a day full of their genuine and teasing banter Yunho froze at the spot feeling his heart being overtaken by the tenderness that warmed up every cell of his body and was ready to wrap all his surroundings, gifting love to every being exiting in the world because it was overflowing him in unimaginable waves.

Changmin seemed to be startled by Yunho’s reaction, maybe easily reading his face as an open book like most people noted about Yunho. He stared at the older, on the verge of saying something. But in the end he bid Yunho goodbye with a whisper of _thank you_ and left for his mansion.

 

 

That day was a turning point for Yunho – or rather a point of no return.

Unfortunately it affected Changmin too.

But in a completely different manner.

 

 

The week started with Changmin not showing up at their usual place.

Yunho felt disappointed as on that day he felt rather exhausted from declining quite a lot of offers of the formal dinners everyone was trying to shove at him.

He noticed that although the people didn’t stop coming to his practice they started to look sideways at him – for going home quickly, for returning from the forest late at night, for leaving the room immediately if anything about Changmin arose in the conversations.

The people were wary of him but at the same time they were eager to know what exactly happened to Yunho.

A never-ending ploy of the isolated community – to pry into someone’s private life.

The purpose of existence for most people.

 

 

 

Next day Changmin appeared looking completely haggard and left almost without speaking, disappearing again for several days.

After a week Yunho could not sit still and wait anymore.

He closed his practice and hurried to the mansion. This time he passed the gates without a pause, went right to the door and resolutely knocked.

If Alfred was surprised to see him – he didn’t show it.

“Master Shim can’t meet you today”

“I need to see him, Alfred”

“I am afraid…”

“Alfred, please! I know something is wrong” begged Yunho.

The butler sighed heavily and after a minute of contemplation motioned for him to follow.

They entered a very big and spacious library. Changmin’s head was resting on the pile of the scrolls and books on the largest table Yunho had ever seen.

Before Alfred could announce his visit Yunho stopped him.

“Please leave us for a second”

The old man was about to disagree but then silently nodded and left closing the door.

Yunho came up to the table and saw the old drawings and strange symbols decorating most of them. All drawings were frightening with the black smoky monsters ripping the people apart. Some were eating the organs. Some were torturing dozens of people. Some were occupying so much space that it looked as if the night set upon the towns in the middle of the day.

Changmin looked pale – resembling the whisper of the man Yunho had encountered on that moonlight night. His face was marred by a pained expression and the skin on the hands was emitting a slight glow.

Black.

_Just as his eyes before._

Yunho gently touched the younger’s shoulder trying to wake him up and finally have some answers. Changmin’s eyelashes fluttered, allowing the light from the candles draw the vague patterns on his face.

“Yunho?”

Changmin’s voice was hoarse. With the dazed eyes he stretched his hand to cup Yunho’s face gently, smiling affectionately. The smile that reached his eyes making them strikingly mismatched.

Yunho was stunned and afraid to move to break the blissful vision.

“I still can’t let you disappear from my dreams. No matter how much I persuade myself to forget you I still welcome you here” whispered Changmin gently brushing his thumb over Yunho’s dry lips.

“Why to forget me?”

“Because I…”

A sudden gust of wind messing Changmin’s hair and puffing out one of the candles made the younger pause.

“You…” he jerked his hand back, slumber disappearing from his eyes. “You are not a dream! What are you doing here?”

“I was worried about you. Changmin…”

Yunho tried to reach the younger’s hand but Changmin jumped from his chair stumbling back.

“Leave now!”

“What? No! You are clearly exhausted and need someone looking after you…”

“Leave!”

“Changmin!”

“You don’t understand! Go away! I loosened the control over it and I will not be able to suppress it now! You have to…”

Suddenly Changmin dropped to his knees as if shoved by the invisible force. He tried to pull his hair or squeeze his face as if because of this the pain would stop tearing him into pieces. His back and limbs were shaking and twisting in an abhorrent manner. The cracks in his bones were so horrible that Yunho felt sick. He ran up to the younger and tried to steady him when Changmin was about to bang his head on the floor.

“Changmin! Look at me!”

The younger growled lowly but agonizingly continuing to scratch the marble floor with his nails leaving the thin red marks.

“Changmin! Please! Look at me! I will help! Look at me!”

And as quickly as it began everything came to a halt.

Changmin froze on his knees. Only the heavy breaths were heard. The curls were concealing Changmin’s face and when Yunho tried to brush his hair back he noticed the younger’s hands.

The hands that became bigger, sharper, with the nails sharpened to cut.

His back now broader than before.

His arms thicker and more muscular than humanly possible.

Yunho held his breath praying he was just sleeping when Changmin abruptly raised his head, tilting it gracefully.

“Hello, Yunho! It’s nice to finally meet you!”

Yunho staggered back, falling on the floor.

The big mismatched eyes that filled his life with miracles and a promise of warmth were now staring back at him coldly being _completely_ _black_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this day was a mess but this chapter saved me from losing my mind... that will be lost in the next part. give a girl a hug♡•♡


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't look at me - i am so NOT ashamed that i was influenced by supernatural (my cutiepie dean ily) to the last cell of my heart.  
> wiritng this chapter was fun but... by the end it hurt my brain and confidence in creativity so much that this is all a strange mess to me at the moment.
> 
> so many riddles thrown in here but please try to enjoy it? in the darkest sense?)))

Yunho was trying to comprehend what was happening when Changmin…

 _no… not Changmin_ … _at least not the real one_

… was staring at him, a smirk ruling his face in an animalistic manner. The black eyes were piercing him, pinning to the ground and it took quite the effort for Yunho to get up and collect himself.

“What did you do to Changmin?”

“I am Changmin” the tone might have sounded rather innocent if not for the sneer that revealed several sharp fangs promising slow and wrenching pain.

“No, you are not”

“Hmm interesting… I see why Changmin got so hung up on you. You are the first one – to look at him and accept the monster he is”

“He is not a monster!”

“Are you sure? You don’t even know him”

“I know enough”

“Oh dear, you don’t know even a grain of his sins”

 _Changmin_ approached the table to pour some scotch in a glass while casually shoving the books and the scrolls to the floor.

“Oh… how clumsy of me. But this is so fun. You know? To see him desperately thinking that this academic dust can save him”

“Let him go”

“Look at you. Asking as if you know who you are talking to…” _Changmin_ gulped the drink, never breaking the intense and studying gaze at Yunho. Licking the last drops of the scotch from the lips with his tongue he narrowed his eyes as if he finally got the confirmation for his guess after the long research. “But that is the point, right? You _know_. I knew where to look and saw the little hints while this idiot avoided your eyes. And now I can finally _feel_ you without any obstacles... Your soul is marked. You already met my kind, didn’t you? That is why you have such a … stoic reaction”

Yunho felt his back being covered with goosebumps that tied into a complicated maze of the thinnest strings binding and immobilizing his arms and legs. The memories of the past – the ghosts of the faces he tried to forget burst from their prison and set his mind on fire like a perfectly orchestrated personal nightmare.

He tried to swallow the shriek that was climbing his throat but his insides were so dry that the tongue stick to the roof of his mouth and almost made him choke from the lack of oxygen. He loudly gasped for air forcing this simple action to absorb his attention and let the disfigured reality to stop spinning.

 _Changmin_ didn’t even acknowledge the older’s brief lack of control and continued his lazy thoughts aloud.

“Now I wonder. Where? How? But more important… _why_ are you even alive?”

_‘I need to get out now’_

Yunho’s eyes shifted to the door and _Changmin_ catching this slight movement snickered nastily. His black eyes reflected the flickering light of the candles that only intensified the ferociousness of each word that followed.

“I don’t think that is the right move, Yunho. If you try to reach that door I will execute my plan of ripping your stomach open before the planned time and I hate being interrupted in my rituals. If you try to call for help… Oh please do! I’ve dreamt to crush that bastard butler’s skull for so long that I will actually thank you for helping me. The other staff will be a nice cherry on top. Especially those maids with their sweet fragile necks…”

 _Changmin_ traced the invisible lines with the fake gentleness that promised only slander and Yunho thought he could smell the rotting of all victims that died by those deformed hands.

“… have you ever heard how the neck snaps, Yunho? It is one of the most wonderful sounds in the world. The only thing that comes close enough is peeling the first layers of skin off the body… while they scream but more importantly _beg_ ”

The floor started to swing a little. The colors of the light around started mixing with the dark bookshelves everywhere creating a whirlabout of hell.

Yunho mentally slapped himself to come to his senses.

He had the lives to protect here. He couldn’t be careless. Not to repeat the past mistakes.

The possible scenarios flashing through his mind made him bite his cheeks and dig his nails so deep into the palms that he felt his skin ripping. He heard _Changmin_ chuckling at his efforts.

“Protective much? Why don’t you try to kill me then? Or at least try to hurt me enough to escape from here?”

 _Changmin_ leaned on the table stretching his arms as if waiting for an embrace.

 “What? No? Here am I – gifting you a head-start fair and square… but you will not do anything. So afraid to damage this meat suit…”

 _Changmin_ traced his face with one sharp nail, going lower to the jacket and with one swift motion cutting off the buttons with inhuman speed.

Laughing sinisterly he let the jacket fall on the floor leaving _the younger_ in the loose white shirt that was ripped in some places due to his changed physic.

“If you behave yourself I may allow you a glimpse under this thing before your last breath” winked the creature _._

Yunho finally got a hold of his erratic heartbeat and pushed his brain into working out the ways to cause as little damage as possible for Changmin and the servants here.

He was _meant_ to be prepared for any insanity after _that_ incident.

He couldn’t let anything add up to his remorse, especially if it was connected to the person who had slowly become an axis of his life now. 

“Do not hurt anyone here!”

“Do you really think you have any voice in this whole situation?”

Abruptly _Changmin's_ face turned serious as he cast a glance at the collection of the bottles and jars occupying all space on one of the shelves. His jaw tightened, displaying the viperish twist of his lips.

“All of them deserve to die. Especially that old man. Always following this little child and shoving the cocktails of their alchemic attempts into him, thinking they are able to destroy me! To bind me! Pathetic humans!”

The sudden move was so quick that Yunho could not exactly register how _Changmin_ appeared in front of that shelf and with one sway of his hand broke the wooden board in half. The liquid from the bottles was mixing together on the floor – some parts started steaming, the others were changing into odd colors. _Changmin_ was breathing hard and spat the words wrapping them in raw filth.

“This little boy tried so hard to get rid of me. Experimenting on himself, looking for the spells and portions, resorting to the forgotten rituals, always tormenting me with destructive starvations…”

“And you are afraid that he is close to destroying you? That is why you appeared? Trying to stop him?”

“Stop? Hahahah”

Yunho went still while _Changmin_ ’s body was shaking from the uncontrollable fits of laughter. The hysteria seemed to have been building up for some time as the laugh turned into a disdainful sneer while the creature regarded Yunho patronizingly.

“That is the point. He can’t stop anything” the black eyes sparkled as _Changmin_ took a pause to enjoy the crushed look on Yunho’s face. “Well honestly he could have done that… let’s say 5 generations ago? But not anymore. A lot of time passed and while my kind was fighting with the scraps of this family our connection grew stronger and stronger until it mixed so much that our souls fused together. We are inseparable. We are one. One superior blood-thirsty... ”

“Changmin is not you”

 _The younger_ gasped exaggeratedly covering his mouth in shock.

“Oh… look at this blinding side of love! So… vomiting. Honestly, what was worse during all my caged days is you, just giving him the side glances and longing stares while he was not paying attention. Why did you not just tell him your true desire?”

Yunho tried to seem unbothered but still felt his face heating up from the direct question that awakened all his dreams and selfish thoughts. He wondered briefly if the monster could have spoken with Changmin on the inside, discussing and distorting his real intentions, but quickly dismissed this theory. Changmin wouldn't have continued spending time with him if he had been repulsed by Yunho.

But the discovery of them not communicating inside cut both ways – Yunho was glad Changmin hadn't been influenced by the monster in his actions before but it also meant that Changmin's mind was unreachable for Yunho at the moment, leaving the younger in the trap of this demon.

‘ _I just need more time and information to come up with the best plan'_

“Why does the demon even bother to know what mere mortals think?”

“I am interested” leered _Changmin_ titling his head in a predator manner.

“In what?”

The next second Yunho felt himself being shoved against the wall with the force of a hurricane, the ear being burnt with the menacing hiss.

“In you”

 _Changmin_ was standing so close that Yunho could feel the heat from his body hugging him from all sides but it was not a comforting feeling – more like a suffocating one. The creature gripped Yunho's throat slamming his head on the wall so hard that the older felt something warm and slick running down his neck and backside.

“What is so special about you? I can’t understand! What is it in you that draws him _in_ and me _out_? Why did your presence block me all the time? Huh?”

The hand on the throat pressed even more, sharp nails needling him as easy as a canvas ready for a gore scene, the crimson paint dripping slowly. Yunho tried to push _the younger_ away but _Changmin_ didn't even notice his futile attempts and continued his rant.

“I see that in you. You encountered one of my family and _it_ marked you. But there is something else… much deeper. Something so black that it may even rival my cursed soul… What did you do, sweet Yunho?”

Yunho was struggling between the rare opportunities to take enough air not to black out right at the spot.

He could not lose consciousness and let the creature go on a killing spree.

He had to survive.

He had to fight.

For Changmin.

‘ _But how?’_

“You smell of something really horrible, Yunho. I can see that but then WHY? Why is that blackness not eating you alive? Not crushing you? Why is your soul still so bright? Why is it so strong that I feel it almost blocking me right now? ME? WHO WAITED AND GAINED SO MUCH POWER TO FINALLY BREAK FREE! WHY, YUNHO!?”

“…shing… me…”

“What?”

 _Changmin_ let Yunho go and the older fell to his knees, haggardly inhaling and clenching his hands to stop shaking all over.

It took him some time to find his voice again while the scenes of the past were draining his strength in an uncontrollable agony. He felt his eyes watering from the pressure and drove the tears back only to feel them familiarly scarring him inside, sizzling like lava which wipes out the fragile forts of your kingdom.

“It is crushing me every day… every second of my life”

“Is that why you decided to get close to this pathetic vessel? So that you would feel your worth by watching this ugly person walking the earth?” scoffed _Changmin_ raising the eyebrows.

“Changmin is not like this. He is kind!” raved Yunho punching the floor, releasing his pent-up anger that had been constantly growing after many occasions of the arrogance from the town people.

“Kind!” snorted _Changmin._

He sat on his knees cupping Yunho’s chin and forcing him to look into the black abyss which promised only terror and violence.

“This boy is pathetic. He killed so many people”

“He couldn’t! Don’t make him carry your sins!”

“You really think it’s about me? Oh dear… it was long before I woke up in him. He destroyed so many lives. He would have been doomed even without the family's curse. A child who was already born a monster... So full of nothing but the perfect weapons for causing pain around. But what is even more pathetic is that he tried to persuade himself that he could get rid of me. Searching for the clues and going into the madness circles. But you know the secret, Yunho?”

The creature pressed his lips against the older's ears and Yunho felt the chills piercing his bones, the whisper slicing him alive.

“Deep down… very very deep… he _knows…_ that he can’t be saved… that there is no cure. He has known for a while. And he tried to kill himself. So. Many. Times... Even though he promised not to do that. He still broke his word – just as he had done before, a pretty liar… hahaha… you should have seen him – not telling anyone he used to sneak to the forest to try the cliffs, the guns, the knives, the ropes… but the trick is… he can’t do that. That is one side of our perfect coin. The body vessel doesn’t have a power to commit a suicide, allowing us to continue to enjoy our lovely coexistence. A winning point for my kind in this deal”

 The creature bared the teeth in his smirk and the most horrible giggles rocked his body.

“He despises himself so much – always waking up every morning hoping for the death to come today, going out in the streets hoping someone would stab him, searching for the cure hoping it would be the real end. He was spinning down so perfectly – right into my arms!”

Yunho felt the iron clutch on his neck not allowing him to look anywhere else but at the sadistic expression on the precious face. _Changmin’s_ tone reached the highs of a bulldozer without the breaks.

“You know that I am the only one who actually managed to break the vessel’s control almost entirely? He was on the verge of oblivion and I just had to pull my strings a little more for him to give in and fall into the void! I would have finally erased him from this body! I made such a progress –  I was the best of my kind! No other demon was able to do that before but then…”

 _Changmin_ moved his hand to Yunho’s shoulder and the older let out a whimper as he felt his joints being dislocated by the merciless fingers sinking into his skin. His bones were grinding loudly, creating a sinister accompaniment for the creature’s vehemence.

“… but then _you_ appeared. A freaking stranger out of nowhere. Marching up to him as if it was nothing and blocking me like this! Just when this scum-suit was about to part with his sanity”

The front of the shirt felt warm and Yunho saw the red painting the lines down. His medical education provided a quick check up on his injuries but he couldn’t feel any pain - the words about Changmin’s struggles made him numb. He suspected the younger being scarred and haunted by something dark from his past but realizing the extent of his sufferings left Yunho speechless.

He was so lost in thoughts that he didn’t register right away that the creature dragged his nails lower, the ragged paths leaving numerous directions to his chest. The sharpened fingers started slowly digging in the skin marking a halo over the heart, ready to be pulled out.

“That moon night… that was the first time I could not transform. I was raging inside, shouting and tearing him apart but he didn’t even seem to notice anything! As if I didn’t exist! As if I was not the part of him! The true owner of this meat suit! And later... every time you were around I couldn’t do a thing no matter what I tried! But what is much worse… HE started to change. A hope. A bloody hope arising in that dead and dusty realm of his! For the first time in his twenty five years he got up and looked out of the window to watch what!? The sun! Not to rush to the mirror to check his pathetic walking corpse still moving but THE FUCKING SUN!”

With every word the creature pushed the fingers deeper and the pain multiplied tenfold.

But somehow Yunho felt ecstatic.

He was elated that his slight nudges paid off and Changmin tried to grasp those little moments of life. Recalling what gifts a new day can suggest for a person who finally _looks and sees_. How it is breathing for real and enjoying the time flowing around you and creating the memories that build _you_ in _yourself._

Feeling extremely proud of the younger Yunho smiled.

This was definitely the worst move because the creature roared and went ballistic.

“You dare to enjoy yourself, you piece of shit!”

He grabbed Yunho and jerked him up.

“You dare to play with me!”

One aimed kick and Yunho flew to the bookshelves causing the content of the lower ones to fall gradually.

 _Changmin_ was slowly approaching him, spluttering the words along the way.

“You dare to destroy all my work and laugh at me! You dare to steal what is mine! And for this you are going to die…”

Yunho caught a blink of something glassy near his ankle.

“… slowly. Just like I dreamed to do for such a long time”

“You want to kill me? Go ahead”

 _Changmin_ halted and after a second of silence rushed to Yunho only to bend down on the floor, clawing at his eyes and howling hoarsely.

“What did you do!?”

“Just distracted you” replied Yunho sprinkling more blue substance on _Changmin’s_ face from the glass bottle of the weird shape. The places where the liquid connected with the skin were smoking but there were neither burns nor scalds. The absence of them did not stop the creature from thrashing around and Yunho was satisfied that Changmin would not be hurt while the demon was burning on the inside.

_‘Hopefully it will buy me enough time’_

Yunho pushed several tables towards the main door to prevent anyone from the household to enter the room. Checking the barricade he rushed to the window to escape through it, hoping the creature would follow him.

Casting a glance back Yunho saw _Changmin_ still trying to focus his flickering eyes on the surroundings and after calculating the last parts of his plan he sprinted into the forest.

He needed to do everything quick.

There was only one chance and he’d better use it...

                                                                                                                   ... or he would be dead.

Just as most of the people here.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

“~Yunho…”

The echo was stretching the name and sending it to all the corners of the forest.

“~Yunho…”

The brushes were creaking under the steps of the creature with a haggard expression and beastly eyes.

“Yunho, you do understand that I will find you. Why to postpone our meeting when it can be so warm… and memorable… with the touch of your perfect blood on my skin and your limbs in the best ripped order?”

 

Yunho was holding his breath trying to keep his hiding place safe.

The moon was lazily outlining the trees and the shadows, creating a space of illusory security for the feverish mind.

He swallowed a nervous lump and shivered when the steps stopped right behind his tree.

His self-preserving instincts began to fight his initial plan with the increased force. His logic conveniently film-stripping the future that might await him, all senses being overthrown by the knowledge that the pictures flashing in front of his eyes were not nightmares but _the past_ that had changed him forever _._

The sudden gust of the wind from the right side made Yunho rush from his hiding place.

Several meters and he felt his body being lifted in the air and tossed to the ground. The landing was awkward and he felt his left side scraping on something sharp. The shirt was now completely torn up, showing the wound with its ugly zigzag. He tried to get up but was kicked again in the stomach flying even further away. The bruises would surely cover him like a fancy blanket next morning.

 _If_ the next morning arrived.

Yunho didn’t have any strength to pull himself up and welcomed another kick, clawing into the ground to stop his screams of pain.

The creature was smirking and he could understand why.

He was lying in the open now. The lawn with nowhere to hide and the demon knew that his trap shut down.

 _Changmin_ was slowly approaching Yunho when he suddenly stopped and looked around. It took him several moments to take into the surroundings and then return his gaze back to Yunho.

The demon burst into laughter.

“My, my, my! Just look at you! Really a fighter till the end. So you remembered those tales about the sacred lawn in the forest where our little Changmin loved to spend his time while turning – letting its magic to keep me inside this circle. And as a good listener you are – you decided to bring me here and pray that I would be trapped?”

Grinning like a madman the creature reached the older, stepping on his injured arm and enjoying the sight of the dirt mixing with the dripping blood, just as crumbling courage was mixing with the horrible realization in Yunho’s eyes.

“You see… even if you lured me to this place – I am too powerful today to be suppressed by it. Our Changmin did everything he could to destroy the chains he had on me during the past days and now nothing can overpower me. Besides… “

He jerked Yunho up by the throat.

“… this… is not the right lawn, Dr Jung! You need to study the map more carefully in the future… which you will not see in any case”

“So now what? You tear my throat?”

“Well that’s a nice proposition”

Yunho arched his neck, opening up to the fangs glittering in the dim light.

“Then what do you wait for?”

The anger was slipping through every trace of the creature’s face, clearly annoyed and outraged at Yunho’s unexpected submission.

“Fool! Die!”

The demon snarled and opened his mouth prepared to chop off the half of Yunho’s throat.

_‘Now!’_

Yunho managed to turn his hand and retrieve the hidden thing from his pocket shoving it into _Changmin’s_ mouth.

The creature stumbled back losing the grasp on the older. Gasping for air the demon tried to spit everything out but ended up bending in half on the ground.

“What is this?” uttered he chocking on every word.

“The soil” answered Yunho after getting up and taking a careful step to the creature.

“The soil?... why… does…. it… hurt so much?”

“Because though I figured out that you were strong enough to externally defy that lawn’s magic at the moment– the location of which, by the way, I perfectly remember – I assumed that you would surely be affected if you came into the clean contact with the soil that holds the sacrifice and the blood of the whole clan. And it looks like my guess was not wrong”

“You!”

Yunho kneeled down near the creature. After eyeing him resolutely the older blocked the demon’s chin in one hand, the other going into the side pocket again.

“And now you set him free”

He shoved another portion of the soil into _Changmin’s_ mouth forcefully shutting it this time and pushing the shaking body to the ground.

“I am so sorry, Changmin. Please hold on for me! I beg you!”

The creature was still trying to shake him off while shrieking like a wounded animal and Yunho had to perform the same action for the third time.

Changmin’s face was a mess of his beautiful features being contorted by the demon’s marred transformation going on and off rapidly. The black eyes spinning, the sweat washing away the brown color of the earth on his face, the sounds escaping his lips were carving grave reliefs in Yunho’s heart.

He pressed the younger closer, looking into his eyes and urging Changmin to fight and come back.

After several minutes that felt like an eternity – when the moon finally cast more light on their exhausted bodies – Changmin stopped struggling and the blackness of his eyes started to change into the brown warmth.

“Changmin! Do you hear me?” pleaded Yunho gently tucking the younger’s messy locks behind his ears.

“Yunho?” whispered Changmin and blacked out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! the next chapters will be less intense but still the end is not quite near... help


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am back and striving to finish this story soon. let's hope my life will not interfere with my plans otl.
> 
> please enjoy)

“You may rest for a while” suggested Alfred gently wiping the sweat drops from Changmin’s forehead. “He will sleep for the rest of the day at the very least”

“Do we really need to do that?”

Yunho cast a glance on the handcuffs with the ancient writings and the herb charms on Changmin's hands and legs.

“We have to make sure _the_ _young_ _master_ is back when he wakes up. We can’t risk the lives of others… even if I hate all of this myself” sighed the older man, crushing down on the chair by the bed as the tiredness from the previous day conquered him.

“Yes… I understand”

Yunho desperately wished to approach Changmin, but after he had done a quick check up on the younger man and attended to his injuries, his professional habit made him step back and let the family handle the rest. He was torn by the feelings inside because for the first time in his practice he couldn’t quite identify himself as a doctor at the moment – a part of him beating against the bars of the professional code with the intention to transform the patient into something personal, something _his._

Yunho’s mind was fluttering like a butterfly caught in the web and before the spider of truth reached him Alfred’s voice brought him back to the present.

 “The staff thinks that you hold it in very courageously”

Yunho met the calm but penetrating eyes of the butler, easily spelling the questions that the manners didn’t let him to ask straight away. It was Yunho’s decision now – to throw the ball back or pretend this toss had never existed.

The lips spoke before he could ponder on the consequences of his open guess.

“The staff… But not you”

“Me too. But for completely other reasons”

“You are really one of a kind, Alfred. Changmin is lucky to have you by his side” chuckled Yunho and the butler saluted him a little accepting the praise and the opportunity to reach further.

“So when?”

Yunho exhaled loudly, every fiber of his body struggling to return to those memories. He walked to the big window to let the sun fall on his face, a chance for the light to pull him back if he still was not ready to do that himself. His mind was thrashing about to forbid him the entrance to _that_ incident but if Yunho wanted to get some answers for himself he knew he had to be honest.

“In India. We encountered some of them on the way of transferring the medicine back to the camp. But I could never imagine that they are…”

“Only partially demons?”

Yunho was thankful that Alfred finished this sentence for him. He was not sure how he would still stay calm if he pronounced this aloud. Those letters out of his mouth and his sanity would crush under the sickening weight of what had happened on that day. He would have to admit that he was worse than he could ever imagine, all his nightmares looking like a nice dream, all his dreadful visions of himself taking a monstrous flesh form, probably suffocating him within the first seconds.

He shook his head and gathered some courage to drag a chair towards Alfred, settling half-turned to Changmin – to be able to watch his steadily rising chest but not close enough to tempt himself into grasping his hand. 

“Tell me the whole story, Alfred”

The butler didn’t move but the hasty break of the eye contact spoke much for the preferred avoidance of Yunho’s request. And though the wrinkles on his face suddenly got deeper, as if the devil being summoned by the sheer memory drew his claws there again, Alfred managed to utter the words in the usual composed manner.

“Well… you heard it when Master Shim had no decency in preserving the social boundaries”

The implication could have been interpreted as irritation by the younger’s behavior but there was warmth and adoration in the butler’s voice which seemed to carefully wrap Changmin’s exhausted body with the invisible touch of love of the person who had known and protected him for the whole life.

Yunho felt a long forgotten longing to experience the same magic from another person in his life too but swiftly shut down his upcoming childhood reminder that he was not destined for these things. Besides there were much more urgent matters at hand.

“I meant Changmin’s story. The story of his family”

A second died but Alfred aged by ten years, the misty gaze on the young man lying on the bed.

Yunho cautiously tried again, pouring as much sincerity in his speech as possible.

“I know this is a private matter, Alfred. But I want to help him and it seems that Changmin got better before he… spiraled down the path I can’t quite figure out. Please help me out! I want to know which walls I have to break and which ones to restore…”

“Will you leave after this?”

“Why would I?” almost shouted Yunho, completely perplexed by the sudden question. He could feel the indignation rising up from within and felt his back pressed to the chair, the blow of that supposition physically thrown him off balance.

_Why to say such nonsense? How can I leave Changmin after everything? To think I will run after using him for whatever purposes others imagine? What a preposterous…_

Yunho abruptly stopped his inner monologue after noticing how Alfred’s features softened after witnessing the range of the emotions written all over the younger man’s face. The butler put him through the test to erase his doubts and Yunho’s reaction was so fast and genuine that it let the older man to finally entrust Yunho with the secret of this family.   

“Well you already know how it all began – the battles, the merging and the ritual that went very wrong. It was Master Shim’s family that participated in all this and was cursed with the mark on their generations. They took it upon themselves to carry the price they paid for the clan’s safety and the clan supported them through the years. But… seasons come and go and the memory of the people changes with the winds of happiness and domestic bliss. The clan moved on little by little and Master Shim’s ancestors decided to build this castle to keep their curse separated from the innocent people. They moved into it to continue searching for the ways to suppress the creatures during the full moons, learning to control the emotions so that the awful accidents would not happen again. With time they started to appreciate the secured nature of their life hidden from other people’s eyes, opening up only to the servants who followed them here from the beginning, fully engrossing themselves in the alchemy and ancient magic but… the generations changed and no findings led to the cure – the rare success brought only the temporary measures, some additional locks on the cage of the monster but never even close to the partial control… Outside the people moved on with their lives but here the time has always been frozen and the search for the cure is constantly keeping Master Shim from bonding with other human beings instead of the books”

“With all due respect but I don’t think that the lack of communication with the town people led Changmin to this kind of state. There is something incredibly dark in him – darker than the creature and I can’t understand where this is coming from. It seems like he projects all this hate and the loss of light around himself on purpose”

Alfred reached out to caress Changmin’s hair before exhaling deeply, the ghosts of pain coloring the surroundings in the sepia photograph with the scratches on the corners.

“He has been living with this darkness since the childhood. Carrying the weight that robs him the happiness that he deserves. He took the blame for everything that happened to this household and doesn’t want to let go”

“What happened? The creature told me that Changmin killed a lot of people but this is impossible to imagine. He can’t hurt anyone. I don’t believe it”

“I wish he would believe it himself” whispered Alfred.

The butler leaned back on his chair and gripped the cloth of his jacket. Yunho caught himself mirroring the motion as if to prepare for the strike to come. But no preparations could work after the older man pronounced the sentence that rang like a thunderstorm.  

“He thinks that he is the reason his whole family is dead”

“What?”

Yunho was grateful he was sitting as he felt his legs went weak and the exclamation was more like a hoarse gasp rather than a human voice.

Alfred’s lips were touched by a soft smile as he went on with his story, the tenderness enlacing the past events with the force that only the older people possess.

“His mother was the heiress of the clan and the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She married a simple man from the town and then Master Shim was born. During those times I thought that the happiness could actually exist in this dark world. She still had the curse and turned during the full moons but on the other days she was the reason for the most blissful and loving times in this cold mansion. Master Shim had the most beautiful childhood any boy could ever wish for. His parents loved him immensely and all the staff was enamored by him. We were spoiling him with care and attention trying to make our darkness disappear with the help of his light. At the same time his father got most of the existing library together, exploring and experimenting with the most useful portions and spells to prevent his beloved from suffering and to look for a way to stop the doom coming after his child”

The butler stopped to take a deep breath, his eyes became dim with the heartbreak that he had no strength to overcome.

“When you carry that creature the most dangerous situations are usually during the full moon or when you feel strong emotions like anger, rage or fear. But a woman has one more situation to add to her cruel fate”

Yunho felt his blood turn into the frost-dew that painted his insides with the awful speculation and the dire consequences it would bring along.

“Pregnancy…”

The clench of Alfred’s jaws made his face go whiter and confirmed the guess. Yunho was never so horrified to be right about something. He felt warmth on his left hand and saw red on the white bandage, his muscles in such a strain that his wound opened up again. He had to forcefully tear his gaze away from the little red ocean overflowing quickly and ruthlessly, just as the following events of the past.

“Yes… All women of the clan were truly the fighters because these were the scariest and hardest moments for them. They had to have the energy for themselves, for the baby and for the control of the demon. The second pregnancy was much harder for the young mistress… Master Shim never knew anything about his family’s curse. During the full moons his parents used to send him off to the farthest room with the games and studies to occupy his time and mind. They did not dare to crush his peaceful days and were determined to postpone the secret of his heritage till the very end. And Master Shim… he was always a very curious child. He always asked me to explain what was going on during the times when his parents disappeared for a while… I should have just told him”

The last words were just a whisper but Yunho heard it clearly as the whole room was filled with silence as if it were a physical presence of the higher power.

Alfred cast a glance at the window where the dusk was setting its rights. He didn’t turn when he continued to speak, probably envisioning the scene that had happened long ago but still got a hold of steel on him. That type of memories that jump and bite into your skin as a venomous snake, injecting and polluting your existence with every single recalling so that you return even more broken than ever before.

“One night when the moon rose just above the horizon the young mistress locked herself up in the basement because her weakened state started to create the cracks in her control of the demon. It was a sudden change and we didn’t have enough time to prepare for the worst. The creature broke the safety spells and took over the young mistress, lashing around and trying to crush the handcuffs. Master Shim’s father and me stayed right by the door and heard how the chains were about to break so we rushed to the room. The master was the only one who was able to calm his wife down during the incidents like this. He was trying to break the demon’s control while I was reinforcing the chains... We almost managed to fix it when we heard… little Changmin’s scream. He entered the room while we were distracted and was looking at the mess that was there. The creature saw a chance. It shut down the young mistress’ conscience completely, shoved us around and broke the chains. We were shouting to Changmin to hide when the demon almost ripped my leg off and slashed the master’s back with the sharpest nails. The other servants ran into the room, distracting the creature from hurting Changmin, but most of them were killed as the demon was fighting its way to the forest in order to get to the town and continue his feast. We brought Changmin to his room and asked to stay there till we returned. The boy was so shocked and blank and we had to shake him back to reality to make sure he understood us. The master was bleeding heavily but he hurried after the demon to stop the massacre no matter what… One of the staff’s torches set the barn near the castle on fire and some of the town people decided to go and help us with it… The demon met them in the forest, savouring the freedom with the rivers of blood… A lot of people died that night while we were trying to get the young mistress back but everything was in vain. The creature didn’t hide from the stabs that the town people were inflicting on her while defending themselves. There were so many wounds that the mistress’ whole dress turned red from white. The creature was nastily enjoying our despair at the state of our beloved lady and decided to deliver the most horrible blow… It knifed the mistress’ belly… and we all died inside at that moment… The demon knew that it could heal such an injury as long as it had the control over it. With the owner of the curse not being able to kill herself the creature felt indestructible and it laughed viscously at its victory… We knew the demon would never stop its killing spear and thus… the master gathered all his strength and when the demon came close to him to slit his throat… he pierced the heart of his wife himself”

The echo of the last words was ringing in the cruel cacophony in Yunho’s mind. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, the image slipping through him like a wall with the tiniest metal rings that dismembered his soul into millions of pieces. He thought he heard the sound of them scattering along the floor.

  Alfred’s eyes were glistening in the fire from the candles and he didn’t shy away when one tear rolled down his cheek. He reached Changmin’s hand and squeezed it softly, as if the late promise of something that could have never been rewritten again.

“Master Shim went out to look for his parents breaking his promise to stay hidden. He found them among the ripped bodies of the staff and the town people he knew… They were lying side by side. His father was bleeding so much that he didn’t have much time before joining his wife in the better world. He saw the terror and the awful reality that was crushed on the little boy and, fearing that little Changmin wouldn’t be able to survive on his own after this, he made him promise that he would live and search for the cure until the very end… never giving up… and never thinking about the quicker reunion with his family in heaven”

Yunho had to put much effort into speaking with the mouth dry as a dessert and the voice shaking as a lone leaf on the tree in the storm.

“How… how did he even manage to go all this way and not go insane?”

“I am not sure he didn’t, Yunho” confessed Alfred.

Slowly the butler stood up and Yunho jerked up to support him when the older man staggered back, still under the weight of the past.

Alfred grasped Yunho’s shoulders and suddenly his expression was filled with the inner power that must have pulled Changmin and the whole mansion through the aftermath of that night.

“Yunho, last night showed that Master Shim decided to give up on everything and I am fearing for him. I know this is a selfish and inappropriate request coming from me but… Please stay by his side. Everything went crazy after you arrived but somehow I believe that you will be the only one who can pull him to the light in the end… This _should_ be the right end for him”

The plea in Alfred’s voice was heartbreaking, transferring into the iron grip on the younger man. And only after Yunho’s nod the older man finally relaxed and regaining his professional composure left the room.

Yunho was moving like in underwater, with every detail around being blurry and surreal. He sat by Changmin’s bed, resting the forehead on his hand and for the first time in many years he begged the powers which he knew had forgotten this earth to play a trick and show him a miracle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are air and water🤓


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here i am proud of a quick update))
> 
> enjoy^^

Yunho was running through the corridor after climbing the stairs in only three jumps. Slowing down in front of the familiar door he tore it open and rushed into the room trying to pronounce the coherent words instead of the chopped breathless syllables that came out at first.

“Changmin, Alfred said you are…”

The brown eyes smudged by the morning sun looked at him expectantly.

“… awake”

Yunho heard the door clicking shut and found himself leaning on it for support after the hidden tense string finally snapped inside him and the brackets on his lungs melted into a cordial essence which intensified the colors around and made his present real again.

He pinched his fingertips behind his back in an attempt to distract his erratic heart from mixing the beats and acquire a steady rhythm but as he glanced at Changmin again he knew he should just accept the fact that his heartrate had adopted its own fluttering pace for the rest of his life.

Changmin was still frozen sitting on the bed with a knife and a fork above the tray full of food. He quickly winked away his big surprised eyes and resumed cutting the omelet but Yunho didn’t miss the way the younger’s glance lingered on the bandages peeking out of his sleeves. His chest resonated with the dull tolls each time as Changmin’s expression went from frightened to worried and – most wrenching – to that one full of shame at the end.

Yunho wanted to wipe this expression from his face forever but this couldn’t be done with just one request or word – and there were so many words Yunho desired Changmin to _hear_. He spent all those days while the younger was asleep struggling to find a path to approach him in a way that would clearly state Yunho’s determination to help him.

But here he was – still full of nothing but air in his mouth.

“I would ask you to leave but Alfred told me what you had done and to what extent you had gone for the staff… and me…”

Changmin’s voice was stable but Yunho spent enough time with him before to catch the cracked ending and a whispered _“I don’t understand”._

The older took several steps forward.

“Please… Don’t ask me to leave!”

The hard clatter of the cutlery was the only sign of Changmin’s surprise while the nervious gulp told the story of the inner debate over Yunho’s fate.

Several futures passed until Changmin raised his head and pushed the tray to the middle of the bed.

“Then help me to eat all of this. The maids think that a person’s hunger is proportional to the absence of food and conveniently forget about the physiological abilities of the stomach”

“I see you feel much better” smiled Yunho letting the thankful exhale out.

“If you can find a proper definition of _better_ then I may agree… I guess”

Changmin’s eyes were still wandering around but with every second his gaze stayed on Yunho longer and longer until he finally met the older’s stare willingly and his lips curved into a mild smile.

That was all Yunho needed for a permission to join the younger on the bed to destroy his breakfast and while he was walking towards him there was a voice at the back of his mind translating this moment into something more than just _crossing the space_ in the room.

They were eating in silence, sneaking the glances at each other as they faked the extra effort to reach for the food – the taste they would never recall if they were asked.

Yunho felt a déjà vu – the images of their first shared lunches clouding his mind. He pinched his nose quickly to fight the unexpected ghosts of happy tears from embarrassing him further. Never before had he let himself be so overwhelmed by his feelings in the presence of another person.

Especially if _that another person_ was the reason of his shaken state.

Which reminded him of the other day and the whole picture behind Changmin’s cold and unresponsive nature.

Yunho spent some time in the mansion while helping the staff to take care of Changmin and studying the portions that Alfred was busy refilling after the demon had broken the shelves. There was a lot to remake but the deepened wrinkles on the butler’s face confirmed Yunho’s growing fear that _not everything_ had been destroyed purely by the demon.

Changmin’s intentions puzzled Yunho, set a maze with so many turns that he was just stuck at the same place unable to move.

Yunho took a habit to stop by the family portrait on his way home at night and forget himself in the faded hues of the happy family. Changmin’s mother was truly beautiful, with the sparkle that was felt even through the drawing. His father was gently hugging his wife while little Changmin was smiling, proudly holding a puppy.

_How could it go so wrong? Why do the families that deserve bliss suffer and those who don’t cherish their luck just waste their time on this Earth with their useless presence?_

It was a miracle that Changmin pulled through that entire nightmare. It was more than a miracle that Changmin had started to _live_ little by little after Yunho’s careful nudges. And that was where the older was losing all logical explanation.

_If Changmin was able to reset and open up a bit after all these years… Why to break everything apart? Why to erase the success that they made and give up himself to the claws of that creature? Where did I misstep? How could I let this happen? Why didn’t I interfere earlier?_

Now not only the food lost all flavor but the appetite vanished like a fog. Yunho needed to say a lot of things but the first that always came to his mind lately was one mantra.  

“I am sorry”

Changmin almost chocked on the bread, accepting the water from Yunho and drinking quickly to regain his composure. His shaking hands still let the drops create a messy puddle on the covers.

“You? For what? _I_ almost _killed_ you!”

“It was not _you_ ” objected Yunho hoping his tone carried the sincerity he wished Changmin finally accepted. And as the younger was about to protest and fall into the circle of self-blame, Yunho snatched the water glass out of his hand and put the food tray to the side – successfully jumping into the serious conversation he had considered to avoid during the first days of Changmin’s recovery. But the chance was there and he was going to use it right. “I am sorry for your loss in the past”

Changmin froze, the breath hitching so sharply as if the spear was wildly driven through his body. He leaned heavily on his hand, the fingers crumpling the linen so hard that soon his skin became as white as the material.

Yunho was afraid he deserved a punch for throwing it so suddenly on the younger but he was ready to meet any violent or rough response, just like with a wound – to allow the first stages of the pain to sting mercilessly so that the following healing would come faster. At least that was what he hoped to cause.

Thankfully Changmin didn’t throw a punch. But his eyes were a little dilating from the effort to focus on the present. Yunho moved closer and covered Changmin’s clenched fist with his hand.

He felt the heat of their skin sending the waves of calmness through his body. Changmin should have experienced something similar because after several seconds passed the younger relaxed completely, finally breathing evenly and withdrawing his hand back.

“Just how close did you become with Alfred?” Changmin raised his eyebrow.

“A little?” smiled Yunho, excitingly welcoming the younger’s snarky mood. “I mostly forced it out of him. Changmin, don’t be angry! I want to help”

Changmin stared at Yunho as if seeing him for the first time and grumbled, tiredly clutching his head.

“Only you! Only you would do something as stupid as this after all that happened!”

“Changmin, look! Alfred said that you did not turn while I was around…”

“Stop it!” shouted the younger, jumping from the bed and facing Yunho in a rather intimidating pose. “Wake up, Yunho! It doesn’t mean anything…”

“It matters a lot! It is important for you…”

“So what!? To save me from turning you are going to stay with me till the end of times?”

The pause on his part was not planned but Yunho let it stretch and be the soothing water to Changmin’s fierce reaction. He could have answered right now very easily but the grounds for his reply were not that simply worded. And if completely honest – not that selfless.

Changmin got red to the tips of his ears and hurriedly moved to the door.

“Don’t be stupid and leave!”

His hand was almost on the handle when Yunho blocked his way and grasped the younger’s shoulders.

“Changmin…”

“No, Yunho!” lashed out Changmin breaking the contact but not retreating an inch from their stance. His voice regained the composed tone but the biting lighting was seeping through every word promising to turn into a murderous thunder if you dared to breathe in at the wrong moment. “You think that we are special? That we have some sort of a connection? Well surprise – we don’t. There is no bond, nothing at all. I spent all this time with you for the sake of studying your nature, trying to understand what made you so immune to me and after finding it – using it. And the core of this research lied in _experimenting_ on you”

When Yunho didn’t respond **,** Changmin stepped even closer, backing him to the door. As the older didn’t even flinch during his speech Changmin’s blood was boiling with irritation, so he put the most repulsive sneer on his face and waved his hand mockingly in front of Yunho’s face.

“Don’t you get it? The things I wanted to do to you? _Kidnapping_ you, _locking_ you in the basement, _taking_ your blood, _cutting_ your flesh, _feeding_ you the chemicals… ”

“You could have asked”

“What!?”

Changmin stumbled back as if burnt by the hot iron, all his venom washed away by the surprise and sudden vulnerability.

Yunho pushed off the door and started advancing calmly, with his arms raised up in a reassuring and soothing manner.

“You could have just asked and I would have helped you… will help you. I will stay here, give you blood, drink anything you want, cut myself open for you…”

“Stop!!! STOP IT!”

Breathing hard Changmin covered his ears and shut his eyes as if that could help him to erase Yunho’s presence and words. The threatening words that he threw so easily himself only a second ago were transformed into the offerings laid out plainly and willingly on Yunho’s honest and trusting hands.

Somehow it set Changmin to silent wails of anguish, the shockwaves rippling under his skin and tearing him more than the nights of turning. All seemed surreal. Might have become the trick of his exhausted mind because no person would speak such nonsense.

“You are crazy”

“Why? It is only natural”

“What kind of rubbish are you spitting? Only a deranged person would suggest something like this”

“I am a doctor, Changmin. I exist to help…”

“You are insane”

“You might become a bit unfriendly with your head when you encounter these creatures out of nowhere. And not to sound like a jerk but you were not my first”

The younger chocked on the next words and flushed more intense than before, the red tint fighting its way down the neck. Yunho bit his cheeks not to trace its way further and let his wandering hidden thoughts to sidestep into another agonizing trap of his overeager mind.

He had to concentrate. He took out several bricks at the base of this wall. It was time to make it crush into pieces.

“Changmin, I need you to understand. During the confrontation this creature mentioned my unexplained influenced on it and Alfred confirmed your hold on it got better. So right now when I know that I can change something I am willing to try and you _can’t_ stop me... which leads me to wondering… why didn’t you do that?”

“What?” muttered Changmin.

“Why didn’t you dissect me to find the cure? Why didn’t you bring all those plans to life?”

The younger pressed his lips into a thin line and fixed his gaze on the floor. He tried to cover his tightened jaws by the apathetic expression but Yunho caught the flash of the guilt mixed with something else.

“Changmin…”

“I started to lose focus!” blurted out the younger meeting Yunho’s stare. The feelings dashed through his eyes, different like the seasons, quickly like the roaring river. He sighed as if there was no other escape for him and crossed his arms in a possible attempt to shield himself from the future judgment or maybe to keep himself from running away. “When we first met I didn’t turn for the first time. I thought it was a coincidence or a cruel joke of my imagination orchestrated by the demon so I intended to stay away and proceed with my research and the portions but I couldn’t shake these new details off. So I returned to meet you at that celebration and then during the full moon and nothing happened… _that_ feeling… it was there again, as if I was protected by the armour… as if the past had been a long nightmare. I was determined that the cure was closer than ever and tried to search for the answers but…”

“But?”

The solemn expression was gone and Changmin’s lips twitched with frustration and sudden awkwardness. His words overflew like the spring waterfall, with no force to stop it.

“But you were always blabbering about all the things in the world that left you fascinated and it was so dumb and you were so happy and positive about everything and I hate you and this started to become a nuisance and just…”

“Changmin…”

“I started to fall!” the groan was so loud that Changmin hugged himself even harder, not quite believing that he was exposing his feelings in such a depth. “I was pushed down from my personal well-deserved dark niche… but when you fall you hit the bottom and with you I somehow managed to land on the light. This was becoming ridiculous. I started to feel… things around you and this threw me off balance. I was not destined for this. I had to pull through my allotted time and die. I was ready for it for so long and then you just had to march in and make me crave for the things I never had the right to wish for…”

Yunho was about to protest when Changmin stretched his hand forward in a plea to let him finish. The older stayed silent for the sake of the younger because Changmin was on the verge of bursting into the air after being so overwhelmed by his monologue, probably for the first in a while, or for the first time in forever.

“I saw what kind of a person you were and I could not bring any of my plans to life. I could not hurt you but what was worse… with time I started to become selfish. I wanted more of your time, more of what you made me relearn to feel – purely for myself… and this triggered the dark thoughts that were already mine and not the demon’s. So I started to keep the distance but not seeing you only set the things into a quicker ugly motion. I tasted life and couldn’t let go and my emotions became unstable. If I continued like this, one day the walls would have been ruined and then I would have hurt you. So I decided to do that myself. I stopped taking the portions and began studying the diaries of my ancestors. The vessels can’t commit a suicide but my relatives died from the various reasons while they were young so I started to search for the similarity that would help me to reach the exhaustion and just finish this life, though it would break the promise I gave to my father… but I broke so many words before and so many lives… Oh, Yunho… just look at what I _did_ to you! And what if the next time I actually kill you? I won’t be able to live on! Because a person like you deserves only happiness and all the beautiful things in this world…”

“I do not…”

“You do, Yunho!”

Changmin was pacing around the room with the expression that was becoming more haunted and exasperated with every moment. Yunho made several attempts to stop him and look at him but the younger was drowning in the scenarios that his words gave life to while recounting the older’s kind traits.

And Yunho desired more than anything that Changmin would stop. His gentle descriptions and blind belief in Yunho made the older’s head spin and the upcoming nausea demanded quick actions. His mind was being filled up with the distorted images of the past with the background of Changmin’s praises and it created the sickest torture Yunho had ever experienced.

“You are the most generous and sincere person in this hypocrisy pit…”

_‘I have to stop him…’_

“You are better than anyone around here…”

_‘Please don’t…’_

“You are the purest person I have ever met…”

“I AM NOT!”

The shriek was so animalistic and sharp that it took Yunho a second to comprehend that it was his voice.

Changmin was startled, rooted to the spot by the sheer will of Yunho’s begging eyes. The younger looked a little frightened and Yunho recalled that he had never raised his voice in his presence, more over in anyone’s presence.

Yunho pulled his hair ruthlessly and loosened his tie a bit for the several gulps of air to chase away the ghosts knocking on his closed eyelids. He took one more deep breath and clenched his shaking hands.

 “Please, Changmin. Don’t do this to me. Don’t put me on the pedestal I am not ever going to reach. I _don’t have the right_ to reach it. I sinned so much that my soul might be blacker than yours”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your soul is marked by the curse that is running in your family. You can’t change it – you are born with this and you live trying to cope with it and that is what I admire. This deserves happiness more than me”

“Yunho… ”

“I have never told anyone this… and now when I am about to do that… I wish you wouldn’t hate me and still be willing to bear my company”

“I will never…”

_“I killed a child”_

“What!?”

Yunho had never said this truth out loud. Sometimes he imagined how it would sound and made tiny attempts to solidify his sin in the space of sounds and living beings but always shut his mouth tight, because during the nights at the camp he was not so sure he would not use that knife to check if his blood turned as black as his soul, because during his sail back he was not so sure he would not rush to meet the cold waves, because during his short home visit he was not so sure he would just sit on his favourite cliff instead of taking a small step further than usual.

Right now he gathered the dust of his courage and uttered those words because he had a purpose not to haste with all those things.

He finally said it.

He finally heard it.

He imagined it would be a whisper.

In reality it was a thunder.

Yunho looked up at Changmin standing still as a statue. He waited for a response but the younger only furrowed his brow, expecting an elaboration.

The memories flooded Yunho like a tsunami, to ease his never-ending trembling he crushed down on the chair by the window and prayed his voice would not break during his speech. Would not break him in half.

“We were at war. There were times when the governments made the peace treaties and I tried to use those moments to transfer as much medicine between the hospitals as possible. But these were very rare days and the people needed help all the time. So I made the urgent raids even during the attacks, carelessly endangering the people with me…”

Leaning back Yunho fixed his eyes on Changmin, shedding the fear and wishing to hold the younger’s gaze bravely while revealing the whole truth. Trying to focus on the safe beacon that were the blinks from the candles in Changmin’s eyes. It was the only thing that kept him solid at the moment.

“One day we were taking a very dangerous road and were ambushed. At first I thought that it was one of the native clans trying to steal the medicine to sell it later but they started to kill everyone without any care for the baggage. They were unusual. Very quick, strong and… deformed. We had the weapons but even so it was hard to kill them… Among all of this chaos I saw a man from the village, lying on the ground with another man kneeled by his side – as if crying on his chest. Only when I came closer it turned out this person _was_ _not crying_ but _eating_ that man alive. And it was not a man but a young boy. Eyes black, nails sharp, mouth bloody… I was so stupefied when I saw all this… I couldn’t move. When that boy noticed me he smiled and started approaching me slowly as if enjoying the view. Every sound was blacked out and I could only hear my heartbeat that was so rapid – I thought it was a straight deafening line. I was jerked back to reality when another boy who helped me at the hospital ran to that creature… only to have his neck snapped. The next second I remember I am pushing the knife into that boy’s chest. I still recall every second of how he was falling down. It is the last memory before someone fired the explosives and the blast happened. Only I survived after this. Everyone thought it was a nasty encounter with the savage clans. I didn’t tell them anything. No one would have believed me anyway and… it’s not like during the first days I believed everything myself”

The silence took its reign and Yunho found it surprisingly comforting. He couldn’t say the weight he had been carrying all this time was lifted off his shoulders but it certainly loosened the binds on his lungs and limbs.

Everything was still, with the occasional murmur of the leaves from the outside, but there was a feeling that the whispering echo of the story was still flowing through the room before swiftly settling down on the surfaces and the people in it. Sinking deeply and finally awakening Changmin to carefully walk up to Yunho and sit in front of him right on the floor. He stretched his arms, hesitating for a second at first but after seeing no objection from Yunho, he collected his hands in a firm grip.

“It is not your fault. He would have killed you”

Yunho didn’t dare to hear these words directed at him. Especially from Changmin who went through the most traumatic experience as a child. But he was selfishly thankful that the younger didn’t shove him away nor looked at him with contempt.

He knew he was undeservingly blessed to meet support in Changmin and it brought genuine happiness to him but that didn’t mean he would ever be able to set himself free for what he had done. He felt it in his bones. The vast blackness in his torn soul.

“After meeting you, Changmin, I understood the real depth of my sin. This was still a boy in the end – not just a demon… and I killed him without trying to save him”

“Yunho, he could have his soul already taken. He could not have been saved if the creature overtook him and that was surely the case. At such an age children can’t handle the demon on their own and I doubt that they had any alchemic portions to slow down the process. He was gone forever on the day you met him and there was nothing you could have done. It doesn’t know any mercy – only eternal blood thirst. It killed your friends and would kill everyone it saw. You wouldn’t save him… You can’t save everyone”

“But I can try saving you” agitatedly pleaded Yunho, slipping down from the chair to mirror the younger on the floor. He clasped Changmin’s shoulders, lowering his head to hide his raw desperation to be heard and accepted. “Even if I am marked by this sin, please, let me help you…”

“Yunho…”

Changmin’s voice was so gentle that it completely broke the older and he let all his suppressed tears fall from his weary eyes.

“Please, Changmin, let me in. I want to try to help you… and also… selfishly… I think that by saving you I might save myself… if you keep away from me I will just go mad. I want to stay with you… I want you to be happy… I will try to make you happy…”

The other words were muted when the younger crushed Yunho in a protective embrace.

“Oh Yunho… You already do. More than you think” whispered Changmin, letting the older to finally cry his pain out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> information for scientific purposes😄
> 
> so when i started to develop this story and build the world this was the point where i intended to finish it. but when i wrote a draft it felt like an abrupt ending - them only finding the fragile balance and understanding. growing in their character just for the start of their stable stance in that cruel setting. so i decided to expand it a little (besides them both here are just so wholesome and fascinating to me that i don't want to say goodbye to these yunho and changmin).  
> i hope the continuation will still bring you a lot enjoyment while reading.  
> and for now - thank you for reading and remember your comment will pump enough air in me to write every day)))


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